A Lot Like Love
by Ladybug-Jojo
Summary: Set post 304, September 11, 2011 for AW... oneshot, set at the 10th year after the terror attack on Wold Trade Center. Just a moment within AW's affair that gets a bit more personal, and a bit too close for comfort!


_Okay this story is one that keeps playing in my mind, after hearing Will say he was in DC on September 11 (307). Set after 304, September 11, 2011 is the date of the story;-).It is just a simple oneshot set back at that time...  
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_I don't Own the Good Wife..._

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**A Lot Like Love**

I stare at the TV with the memorial program running on the screen. The kids are with Peter this weekend thankfully. Eli had originally pleaded with both Peter and me to be at some arrangement in some memorial service, even with the separation in private me not going would be seen badly by the public. But I had escaped with a bad cold and cough the last minute. So Peter had the kids as usual and I had agreed they could join him. So now here I was on the couch, wrapped up in blankets and drinking chamomile tea, watching speech after speech on TV. In honor of those that died that day ten years ago. I shivered from the thought. I don't think any American that can remember that day can do it without some pain. We might not have known people personally that died but then we surely knew someone that knew someone... and it wasn't just that it was the tragedy of it all. The sadness over those mothers or fathers that would never see their kids again, or kids that would never see their parents again. So many lost in that unfairness. I had gone to the memorials back then, Peter was already rising as a politician so how could we do anything else. Everyone cried, I did as well. We both had. Trying to explain to the kids, that were still young, what was going on hadn't been easy, why we were both sad. We had both known people touched by it, and I had gone to a funeral of an old law school friend of mine as well. Along with another for someone Peter knew. The one I went to for my old classmate had been the first time I had seen Will in years. We hadn't talked much there, what was there to say really, neither of us had been close to Amanda, the one that died. But seeing him there had still felt comforting. Not the least because the day it happened he had been in my thoughts. How could he not have been? I knew where Peter was, I knew where my kids were, I even knew where my mother and brother were and none of them was in danger. But I didn't know where he was. And I think that day our thoughts in general went to family and friends and those we cared about and wished we wouldn't hear they were along of those lost. I was even more scared because I knew he had worked in Baltimore, and that was close to DC where the other crash was. And even the remote chance of him dead had me panicking inside. In silence and alone of course was what I tried to do, after all there was no chance I could tell Peter that I was scared and thinking about Will, after all when he found out who it was I had in my thoughts that day we had one of our biggest fights ever. However, seeing him well and alive there even with the sadness and tears in my eyes for the lives lost, had been a relief. One I had to admit that though I didn't believe the least in God I did thank who ever made sure Will was safe and sound. We had exchanged small smiles and a hug, though not much more. Other than him handing me his hanker-chief as I cried during the ceremony. Before I left I did manage to admit to him I was glad he was well, and I hoped years wouldn't pass before we saw each other again. Something that did happen, I actually didn't see him again until I called him, needing his help after the scandal. We have never spoken of that meeting again, not even now that I work for him or we are sort of seeing each other, and I often wonder if he even thinks about that one.

Maybe he does, as my phone rings and I see his name flashes across the screen as I pick it up.

"Hey..." I answer, with a little smile playing on my lips.

"Hey... how are you feeling?" He asks, as always sweet and kind. Thinking about me when I am unwell, I was too sick to attend the memorial with Peter and the kids, so I surely was too sick to be over at his place, though I wish I was over there. I would have enjoyed that way more than the memorial, which I wasn't too sad escaping. A day spend pretending to the public that Peter and I were still living together in married bliss would have been terrible. However a day spend in Will's bed would have been heavenly bliss.

"I've been better... still coughing and my head hurts. I am watching TV..." I offer him, and I can hear him sigh.

"You think you will come to work tomorrow? Maybe you should take an extra day..." He points out and I groan. That is the bad thing about having _a thing_ with your boss, he also knows when you are under the weather and cares enough to not want you to work while ill.

"I will work... do you want to come over to make sure I am relaxing now and taking it easy so I can get better for work tomorrow?" I offer him, and I can hear him chuckle.

"Do you need me to bring you anything if I come over?" He offers, and I consider it.

"Strawberries..." I finally answer, and I can hear him laugh at my words.

"You aren't serious right?" He asks, and I can hear he really doesn't believe I would want that.

"I am... I want something sweet and it is fruit so there is juice in them... to keep me hydrated!" I explain slightly pouting, and I can hear him laugh even more.

"Okay I will buy you some strawberries, anything else dear?" He asks and I feel my breath catch lightly at his light slip up of a term of endearment, but I don't say anything. To be fair I don't really mind that one, it feels nice that someone wants to call me that. Especially when I am ill.

"No... nothing else..." I tell him, and at the same time a coughing fit takes me, and I manage to mumble goodbye, and hear him say he will hurry over.

I manage to get the cough under control and snuggle a bit deeper down under the blanket, and try to concentrate on the TV though I feel myself getting tired. I know I have fallen asleep when I am woken up by the knock on the door. For a few seconds I try to find out what is going on and where I am. Why I am sleeping on the couch with the TV on. I start to come back to myself and remember Will and how it has to be him at the door. I wrap the blanket around myself as I get off the couch and move to the door to open it. Just as another coughing fit takes me. I only manage to get it opened a little before his arms wrap around me and he strokes my back gently to make me relax a little. He steps inside and closes the door behind us. And holds me until I can catch my breath once more.

"Are you okay? Have you seen a doctor or something?" He asks me as I step out of his arms.

I nod slowly.

"Yeah, I did... nothing to be done than rest and cold meds... I am fine Will no reason to worry..." I try to smile at him the best I can. I wish I had managed to change my clothes or something or at least comb my hair, making me look a little more decent. Instead of the red eyed mess I am sure I look like at the moment.

"Well I got you some cough syrup as well. I had a feeling you wouldn't have taken any, since I know you detested it in Law School. However it will help you. Go lie down, and I will bring some to you and your strawberries..." He tells me, and I can't help but smile a little as I hear he really did get me my favorite fruit. It is enough to make me accept his command and make my way back to the couch where I lie down once again. I can hear him make his way around in my kitchen and I try to concentrate on the TV. I should listen to this, it is important, and I know that. But it is hard to do.

"Here cough syrup and strawberries... for the lady..." Will's voice makes me look up as he walks over and places both things on the table in front of me. I eye the beverage annoyed and glare up at him. I still hate the sweet sugary chemical stuff. But I nod with a sigh and sit up a little and pick it up and gulp it down. Will takes a seat on the couch with me, moving so my legs are in his lap but I move around so I can cuddle up against him. Something he accepts as he moves so I can rest fully against his chest in his arms. Though not before he reaches over and grabs the bowl with my strawberries.

"What are we watching?" He asks, probably more for confirmation than anything else.

"The memorial..." I tell him, though I am sure he already knows that, with the clips being showed. I can feel him nod slowly. I start to nibble on one of the berries he got me. The fresh taste of it is amazing and just what I need especially after the cough syrup he made me take.

None of us say anything, we just watch the program and eat the berries, cuddled together while his fingers run through my hair in a gentle caress.

"I was in DC..." His voice suddenly breaks the quietness, and I glance up, it doesn't take words to know what he means, yet I ask them.

"When?"

"That day, I was in DC, I saw the smoke from the Pentagon. Amanda, she wasn't the only one I knew that died that day, I knew others too..." He admits and I sigh softly and cuddle a bit more into him. The thought that he actually was in DC that day is scary, almost paralyzing.

"I tried to call you..." I admit, it is one among many of my biggest secrets, and one that had caused a fight with Peter, when he that day asked me who it was I tried to call and dig up a number on. I can feel Will's arms tighten around me and he places a kiss on my hair.

"I didn't know..." He admits and I nod.

"I couldn't get through I am not even sure I had the right number..." I sigh, and he nods.

"You might not have, as I didn't work in Baltimore anymore." I nod slowly, I don't ask him what he was doing in DC then, it doesn't really matter. Most things like that fade in a bigger picture like this.

"I was glad that you came to Amanda's funeral and I saw you were well." I tell him another secret, and I can feel him nod again.

"I felt the same when I saw you there Alicia..." He admits with a sigh, and glance up at him. Meeting his eyes, I nod slowly as I read the truth in them. That I hadn't been the only one with thoughts going to the two of us that day. He had thought of us as well. I take the chance and reach up so I can give him a small kiss, before cuddling back into his arms and turning my attention back on the TV. The admissions we have both just given are scary. And very close to crossing the no fuss no muss line I need us to keep. Just like me being ill and cuddling against him like this is strangely intimate and personal. I sigh, while I repeat in my head that it is all just because I am ill and unwell, we had such a conversation. And repeating it enough I can almost make myself believe it. Just like I can almost make myself believe when he slipped up and said I love you on the phone to me it was only automatically, and didn't mean just that. Just like that when I tell Owen it isn't love I almost believe myself and my brain fully and not the little almost soundless voice that tells me it might very well be that, because it would make it all so complicated. And I can't do that, I can only do this whatever it is that we have, as it is nice and easy. Yet I also have a strange feeling that if I ever mentioned to Owen that I ten years ago could hardly breathe because of the fear that Will might not be alive anymore he would say that sounded a lot like love. Something that wasn't any less scary back then as it was now, because that meant he might be somewhere in my heart and never has left it even in my years of marriage and love with another man. Something that would make all of this a lot more complicated, and I can't do complicated now, because I am still too hurt and broken, and though he is helping me heal, I am not sure I can ever really open up to love and depend on it again. Not to mention all the other complications resting there between us. That is why any thought of him in my heart is squashed down and ignored. I need the easiness of what we have not the mess. I can't have everything in my life be complicated or messy and Will in my heart would be just that. So i sigh and cuddle into him while ignoring that his arms is the only place that makes me really feel at ease.

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_So let me know your thoughts... I promise to get back to Pictures of You and TEOH this story just kept playing in my mind and had to be written. _


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